I changed over my last post. 7 years, quite a long time...

looking in the past

I found my ole journal that I jsut lug around and not really use. I was leaving the apt. I couldn't find my journey that i use more offen. I started to thumb through it. I read the peoms that I put into it and the lodges that I wrote. I saw my slow decent into madness in just a few pages. it was very strange. I can't believe that I wrote what i wrote in that ole journal. I don't remember must of what i was writing about. I mentioned a few girl's names. ...what a mess it was.

finding things

I took a walk in the back woods at McGaffy. I gone over ideas to put in my book. I think I forgot em. but i did saw very different kind o tree. it was like juniper tree with scaly bark. i figure that it was call alligator juniper or some thing along those lines. any way walking around in the forest like that maked me miss my home in Crystal. the mountains, the trees, the air. I've been stuck in gallup for over a year. Only three times I recall going back to get things. now my mom wants me to clean out my room so they can.... i don't know what they're going to with it. all i now I have to clean out all the junk I collected over the years. I'm a pack rat. that's all. a pack-rat. And to some girls may say i'm a rat. haha.
back to the woods. I haven't been eating very good lately. and I don't drink water very much. and the humidity was making my sinuses pressured. I took my time walking the trail. I was tired from earlier.
earlier. I ran in the afternoon at the stadium, 1 lap to warm up. jog the the stair wells and ran 200 meters. I did this four times. all this before going back to cool down. I sweated like a pig. i hadn't sweated like that... hmm... to long... since I used to road bike with my uncle Hondo. it was agood sweat. but i forgot to hydrate.
So my walk meandered on the trail. slowly I paced. I past a couple and three kid of theirs. say evening and kept walking. I walk through a valley and up the side of a mountain. A huge ugly fly. I don't know what it's called. all i know its ugly and it jump off the tree. and flew at me. it landed on my sleeve. I freaked out alittle and swip at it. hoping to kill it. jumps off my sleeve and land on my back. I take a stick and swing at it. and it flys away. My back stings a little from hittin it. I keep walking along. by this time I'm getting more tried and I start to drag my feet. I look around and notice that i'm the only foot prints on the trail since the last rain fall. The night before. I walked farther than the couple and the kids. I get the feeling i should turn around. I reach an ole blue sprus. a pine comb falls off the tree and crosses my path. falls into the gorge below. I think 'thats my que' and turn around.
I take the short cut thru the woods to get back down. the first off-trail I took lead me away from the direction i need to go, so I run back up the hill back to the trail and continue down the hill. I keep a look out for the ugly fly. then see the right off-trail to take. I runn down. I could feel my legs were weaking little by little. when I got back to the car it took me half the time to get as far as I got.
I didn't know where I was going on the trail. I all I knew that it was 1 and 1/4 miles to get there. I did not reach that distination. I past a sign and saw that the trail was head up to a fire look out station. I drove very slowly on the road. because the roads up to McGaffy are terrible. and I could because no one was behind me. or in front. and because the car, lil red, couldn't handle those roads at fifty-five miles per hour. I stop at the gas station, bought a coke, and sat quietly in the car drinking it.

A writer writes always!

I've been typing a story on my cell phone in the text messaging area and saving it on my cell and writing them out later. I have ideas cone when I walk and lose them when i get back home to type them out.

I have a typewriter at home. i used to sit in front of it and nothing ever came to mind and the stuff that did come, well it not worth coming beck too. so I put the type-writer away in the basement.

What I've typing. My story is a mystery story. even though I don't read a lot of mystery books or stories. The last mystery story i read was by Edger Allen Poe. I read that about two years ago. I do like mystery movies. my favorite mystery movie is 23. I did start something that look like it was going to turn out to be love story which i abandon after knowing where it was going. it was predictable. i hated it. soo i decided to type a mystery. i did nt know where it was going to go and i didnt want it to be predictable. well not that predictable. So far it's fifty double spaced hand written pages long. and I near the end of it.

the People I ve been telling about the project have been asking if its going to be a novel. i suppose it can but its going to be a short one with all the crappy fill-in's. so right it still in notebook mode. then getting a second draft would help me a lot if could find some more details and description of things and places.

It certainty is a challenge to write anything.. so borrowing things suck.

valintine

nothing. It snows today.
i walk by the same place everyday i come here to type and look. the same hill i walk. I think of nothing and everything that goes on. I pace myself.
I can get over this writer's block. it just I need to turn off my phone... thats all. haha.

a new year. a new goal.

I am trying to find a way to be clear with my self. It's hard. :/ It is reflecting in my writing. haha.. I was watching the movie Election and it acured to me that I'm in a middle age crises at the age of 29. what shit. I feel old and young at the same time. it bothers me. I'm trying to stick with not smoking. but that goin to be hard... it still is...

tale tell heart

tales to tell.
I find my self doing fine in terribls situtions and I'm a wreck in stable frame of mind.
what is that I remember for ther night Sean and I got standed in Albuerquerque. I know liked it. all the way through. and Sean hated it because he spent a time in his life being homelless in Salt Lake. i got to this point where on day two on the streets. of course we spent it at the gathering sleeping in the belcony seats most of the morning and aftnoon. the people we meet. andre bee, manuel, deedra bee. Sean loses his glasses, I don't do any about, manuel gets at the los n found then the night of Spring Crawl..